The Trouble With Threes

The old saying trouble comes in threes sure seems to fit right now. It seems like everything I undertake as far as moving forward works in a cycle of three. I bounce, get stronger and get slapped again. I am constantly tested on my resolve. Every time that I move forward something is thrown in the way that makes me re-evaluate whether or not I've moved at all.

The silence was broken today. Only via a whipser, but the contact was made and the ball dropped in my court as to what to do next. Me being me, I almost always have something to say but is it productive? What is the point of venting all of this AGAIN? If I keep my mouth shut does it prove anything? Is that just a way of bottling things up that will bite me in the ass later? If I take the door, which is now knocked ajar and open it does it make me weak or will it bring me peace I've never gotten from this whole mess? I think not. I think it will only drag me backward again. Curiosity can be a dangerous thing and I think the test for me this week is to avoid giving in to that curiosity. Nothing positive can come from communication with a known liar and in my own foolishness, the one horrible consequence could actually be that I might be stupid enough to believe AGAIN. Not a risk I can afford to take.

My future cannot include people who cannot be trusted. There is no room in my present for them either. Each day, the best I can hope for, is for my final sumation of the days events to be actions and reactions which I am proud of. To have been a good friend. To have been a good Mom. I do not believe any feelings of value or self worth can come from communication with someone who has forced me to re-evaluate three years of actions and reactions I can NEVER be proud of. Perhaps, if I can climb this hurdle I can really move forward. My run awaits.....