Morning Run

What in the world do people who don't run do with themselves when they have emotional energy to burn off? I was once one of those people but I have no clue how I kept from going insane (maybe I didn't lol). I've managed to act by doing nothing, which has been exceedingly difficult. I had a dream the other night which kind of re-focused things for me. I dreamed he came back into my life and for the first time I had to decide where to place the things that are in my life NOW. Things that didn't mesh with him. It was a slap in the face and an eye opener. The simple fact is that there is no place in my life for him anymore. Of course, people make room in their lives for significant others every day but he is no longer significant.

Friendship? Is that what he hoped to obtain from me? A friend is someone you trust, someone you believe in and who believes in you. Someone you can count on and know that they will be there for you no matter what. They are honest with you, even when honesty may hurt you. He is none of these things to me and never can be. Friendship is not a relationship open to us. His only motive could be based in either morbid curiosity or possibly some other revelation he feels the need to divulge. My life and its contents is no longer any business of his and I have no interest in any more "information" on the events taking place in his very messed up life. I am busy trying to organize my own demons, his problems are not mine. God knows I hear enough gossip to entertain even the most bizarre of tabloid readers. Frankly, he has no friends, only people who are entertained by his antics and enjoy the stupidity of them simply for their sheer assininity.

I got a morning run in. Not much of a morning person and all the mp3's were dead of charge so it was new on more than one level but well worth it. Martial arts left me a little sore in the upper body today and driving my legs was refreshing. Tonite I have some cross training planned with a friend. We tend to push each other beyond the limits and I am looking forward to it. I anticipate I will be quite sore tomorrow. I'm training for more than just races. I'm training for the fortitude to let go of things which I clung to with a vengence. Every day I let go of it a little more. One day I will let go of it completely and watch as it crashes mercilessly into the ravine, unsalvagable and forgotten. I look forward to the day when the only manner in which I can recall the feelings this has brought out in me is by re-reading the old posts on this blog. The day when I could read them, detached, and wonder how I could have ever been so low and thank God that I had the strength to rise.