Detachment?

I guess, no surprise here, I'm having trouble finding a way to detach. It seems there are people out there who are hell bent to keep the wounds open and festering. I am not sure whether attacking head on or retreat is the best option. I suppose at one point I was kind of a part of the problem as far as keeping the drama "alive." I'm past that now. I want it to stop. My life is good and I want to get on with it without this constant past trying to invade my present and future. I suppose it would be helpful to know WHO was filtering information around but I don't and that makes it a bit more complicated to address. Perhaps I will finally get to the point where I just switch off the pc, cutting off their main source in which to attack me.

Better Week instead of Weak!

Its been a hellish week as far as cross training is concerned. I am loving the new Garmin and the options it offers for intensifying training. Even with the daily rain I have managed to get all my runs fairly neatly organized and have logged a lot of miles on the bike.

Its been a strong week for me. I re-connected with an old friend who I thought was lost to me in all the drama. It was a happy tearful moment to find that we had both been missing one another and equally afraid to make the first move. More news leaks through from day to day and though I have that momentary "knock" in the heart when I hear it, it doesn't seem to floor me like it used to. I'm kind of finding things funny. Not so much funny, haha, but funny/ironic to the point of utter stupidity.

How could I have ever loved anyone so shallow and empty? I so deeply pity the new paper cut out woman whose life he is in the process of trashing. The pattern is the same. Sick and sad! THANK GOD its not me anymore!! Woooooooooooooooooooooooo Hooooooooooooooooooo!

The New Toy

Well, in a moment of weakness, I broke down and bought a Garmin Forerunner 305. Apparently, the new model is due to be released so the now "old and out of date one" is up for grabs at dirt cheap prices. Heavy sigh,,,,so now begins the dabbling of mixing the world of technology into my runs. Its a GPS thingy that tracks everything from heartrate, pace, distance, pretty much you name it. Of course, it doesn't do cadence which is what I really needed for the bike but alas, I'll see if I can upgrade!

Last night was some very intense cross training with K & M, which didn't so much challenge me but I think they got put throught their paces. I need to cross train more but I guess I didn't realize how much fitter I am until this morning when I couldn't find a trace of soreness in me. We are planning to hit it again tonite so if the week continues at this rate I have no doubt I can pull up lame, haha!

I'm only taking a quick breather before attacking chores so that I am free for the pain and drain of tonite's work out plan. Guess its kind of sick just how much I look forward to that! Anyway, my mind is good...the moon is full....but the world seems quiet for the moment! This week I've had time for little more than just "being." Its nice when your mind goes quiet, even if I know its only for a short while!

Sundays

For a while, I used to try to make Sundays a day where I had nothing to do. I could lay in if I wanted or read but the goal was to have no responsibilities to answer for. Well, that ended up me being trapped in the house letting the dog in and out all day so it took me a while to figure out it was not an ideal plan! Its fine for once in a while but not something I need EVERY Sunday!

I've stepped up my training and can honestly say that today, for the first time, I'm not so much sore as I am "stiff". I didn't move freely when I crawled out of bed this morning which I am counting as a victory. Next week the schedule intensifies further as a friend and I begin amping up our training in addition to fitting up my daughter for upcoming volleyball try outs. I suspect sore will be an understatement next week if plans hold out. Additionally, for the week after, we have planned to invest in mats for the carport so that we can train for martial arts outside of class. Two to three weeks of pain is promised, not implied!

I have friends who ask, "What are you doing all of this for, its not like you are going to the Olympics at your age?" I guess I love what the workout does for me. I suppose it is a sort of sickness in a way. I love who I am now and that I have tangible goals. Maybe those goal don't include going to the Olympics but they are milestones for me to reach for and are no less spectacular in the scheme of my life. Today's society overcomes so many emotional burdens is so many un-constructive ways. Therapy, prescription drugs, illicit drugs, alcoholism, the list is endless. Accidentally, I've found a postive outlet for my issues! I'm not spaced out on some heavily televised prescription drug that makes me numb to what I feel. Yeah, I still feel things and sometimes that is negative but I don't want or need to STOP feeling everything! I need to find ways to deal with what I feel and appropriate ways to place it in my mind. Training does that for me.

Ok, so maybe this is like therapy. I have one person who joined my post, so I guess YOU count as my therapist lol. Realistically, it would'nt matter if no one ever read the post but me. Posting it only makes me accountable for continuing to add to it and build upon it for future reference. Its mostly babble but that is ok, its constructive. There are always bumps in the road, raindrops to dodge. There always will be. I am stronger than I was 6 weeks ago. I was driven to my knees but now I'm standing up. Every so often someone or something will try to take me out again emotionally. I just have to stay strong enough to keep moving forward. When I am strong physically, emotional strength is a side effect. I have a 10 mile run on the training schedule today and in spite of the heat, I am eager to exceed that goal. Today I am very strong.

Dodging Raindrops

I guess its safe to say there is no drought in this state any longer as we are hampered by daily rain. Beautiful in that everything is rich and green, complicated in trying to dodge rain for workout time. Most everything needs to be done before the afternoon storm. Don't get me wrong, a run in the rain is a great thing but not so much in the lightning and thunder!

I got a great ride in this morning on the horse. Its been a long time since I've let myself enjoy the simple pleasures of the things accesible to me. I tend to spend all my time working to maintain what I don't allow myself the time to enjoy. It was brilliant. When I finish this post I'm off for an 8 mile run. Its cloudy and the heat of the day is in full swing but I'm getting used to it and looking forward to it. The evening (if rain can be dodged) will include a long bike ride with a friend. Life is good :). Life is damn good :).

Isn't that really what life is? Dodging raindrops? Sometimes you can't dodge them and you are just gonna end up getting wet. Sometimes getting wet is going to make you cold and miserable, but if you change your perspective you can see it as "cooling off" and re-energizing for a second go. Bring on the rain!!!