It Never Fails

It seems it never fails that when you are moving along smoothly and think things are going well, some small detail, jumps up and bites you in the ass. Yesterday was a great day, both great and challenging. The bike trail in Ocala was "advanced". Until yesterday, I didn't think there were any hills in this state, that is till I hit a bike trail that was uphill both ways for 10 miles! We had originally planned to do the 22 mile loop but having started in the rain and progressed along the first 5 mile portion, reaching speads of no greater than 2mph, we looped back closing out at 10 miles. A year ago, I couldn't have ridden the bike 5miles on the flat, let alone over rough country through the Forest. A year ago, I could'nt run a mile, now I run 30 a week. Even with all those accomplishments, I have to also recognize that a year ago, I believed things that brought me comfort, even though they weren't true. Last year I was weak on so many levels. I was weak emotionally, physically and perhaps even morally if I'm honest with myself. I am so much stronger now but the clinks in my armor seem so much weaker. True enough that I have overcome much but there are still the small things that seem to overcome me with too much ease. Getting stronger makes it hurt less, but it still hurts and no amount of strength I gain seems to eliminate that weakness. I am moving in a direction I want to go in. I am who I wanted to become. Why then, does the past and my foolishness travel along with me like a companion? I am so weary of climbing obstacles in my path. Especially considering they are obstacles cast in my way by someone elses future and not my own. When will I learn to navigate AROUND them instead of wearing myself out by trying to climb them?