An Attitude of Gratitude

Yesterday was brilliant! I managed a 5 mile run, 7 miles on the bike, got my lawn mowed and went to class. I was marginally sore today, mostly due to my efforts during class as opposed to the other endeavors but it was a "good sore." The kind that makes you feel like you've done something. It was good to roll out of bed and conquer physical pain as opposed to emotional pain. I like the replacement theory!

I've tried to spend the past few days thinking about all the blessings and good things in my life at the present moment. Focusing on right now is hard enough of a task in itself but filling my glass half full rather than draining it to half empty is also liberating. In the last three years what have I obtained rather than lost? I have some of the very best friends I've ever had in my life. It has to be said that I lost a few but I suppose you could call it a seperating of the men from the boys in this instance. My past relationship did not allow for time spent with my friends without his inclsion, so some of my former companions drifted away, some are already drifting back. Ironically, the very best of the newer group were really his at one time. I suppose we all shared a similar betrayal at the hands of his dishonesty. In the end, it has bound us together.

I am grateful for how I "feel" physically. The need to distract myself is what put me onto working out in the first place. In spite of all my mental and emotional backsliding, the momentum towards the physical has been steadfastly strong.

In spite of constant news of nonsense from 4000 miles away, I am grateful to be reminded, "there but by the grace of God go I." Thank God its not me! I am free of the lies and the deceit! His issues and problems are NOT MINE to be worried with anymore. Thank God again that those first pieces of hurtful information were indeed filtered my way, opening my eyes and knocking me off a path of stupidity!

I am grateful for the step children and step grandchildren, that will always be a cherished part of my life. I appreciate their candor and their solidarity. Though I truly mourn for their longing (much like my own) of a man who never existed outside of his own sham and illusion. My family hasn't gotten smaller, indeed its gotten larger and stronger with bonds that are not likely to be torn asunder by any force.

I am grateful for my own second chance. A luxury few are afforded in any one lifetime. A second chance to look at things with a new and more educated perspective. I've been given an opportunity to not only take back my stolen life force but to actually strengthen it. I always knew how to give, but now I understand about giving within boundaries. How to give endlessly but to also surround myself with people of like mind and heart. People who would give equally to me in my own need.

Where would I be in 5 years if things had not unfolded the way they did? Not a pretty picture, at all. My gratitude should grow with each passing moment and I hope that should I need a remeinder of this I can reflect back on these very words.