Trying Times

I've been a total bitch today. I suppose the frustration of not being able to run, at a time when running is crucial to upcoming events, is spilling over into other aspects of my daily life. Yes, I've been biking and doing yoga etc. etc., but I can only compare it to chewing gum when you are trying to quit smoking. It tides you over but you aren't "satisfied." I hated EVERYONE today but most of all, I hated ME. Patience has never been one of my stronger suits and today I've felt as though EVERYTHING has required patience that I just couldn't afford. All my patience was tied up in the unconscious act of healing,,,waiting to heal. There was none left for anything else. My apologies to those I love sound hollow. I am sorry but when all this frustration is about to boil over it is hard to sound sincere, even if I am. The sad part is mostly I'm sorry for myself and that is not a state I like one bit.

So I'm being pro-active. I'm gonna hit the bag for the next twenty odd hours if that is what it takes. I need an upper body work out anyway and a way to exercise some collecting demons. Here's to better days to come!

Obstacles

The massage therapy appointment was not as positive as I'd hoped. It appears as though muscles in my right calf (gastro & soleus) are torn. She likened my calf to "hamburger." She worked on the calf for the full hour and kneisio-taped it. I am supposed to do yoga and cross training only (actually the ideal was to rest for 10 days but that isn't possible) till Monday when I get it re-taped. Have an ortho appointment for Wednesday. If he concurs then he may or may not be able to "inject" it. Without knowing the actual severity, the healing potential is nothing but guesswork.

I suppose I could get really negative but I'm not going to. This was never going to be "easy" so the fact that its gotten a little harder shouldn't be all that off putting. Even injured, I am sure I can finish. If I have to crawl, I will. Finishing this martathon is the tangible act of finishing a lot more than just this one thing. It is very symbolic to me. Granted, "power walking" across the line wasn't really part of my personal imagery BUT aren't many things in life different in the end than what we pictured at the onset? Its a rather ironic metaphor!

People close to me have been amazingly encouraging and I am heeding their kind words. I will be in SCOTLAND! A place I have been trying to get to for THIRTY years! Is is such a bad thing for me to slow down and savor the experience?

Today was a rest day. Rest and re-group. 4:30 am brings yoga and core work with biking or swimming to follow in the pm. This is how athletes think :)

The road...

So much of time these days is spent on one road or another. Once it was just a road away from my own head, thoughts and emotional state. For a long time its been pounding pavement, logging miles run and building stamina and fitness. In this last week, I have been trying to find the road to a different kind of recovery...overcoming injury. Its so crucial right now to be getting stronger and this calf "thing" may keep me from running but I cannot allow it to prevent me from growing stronger. Tomorrow will be one week of not running. The longest for me in at least 2 years. It hasn't made me idle but it sure has changed things. Yeah, I'm addressing fitness issues long left on the back burner. Its so easy to continue to do what you've become comfortable with, all the while neglecting things of importance. In training and in life. There was never any doubt that other aspects of my fitness were in need of tweaking but when standing before the workout buffet...I always chose running.

The yoga has been more challenging than I remembered. Its been daily. I did a marathon on the bike Sunday. 2 serious power miles yesterday morning before work and 15 miles on the mountain bike tonite. Every lunch time I have been working a VERY challenging ab/core workout. In essence, I dread a good cough for its crippling effects! I'd forgotten what it felt like to have to use un-trained muscles. To work the unfamiliar and to succeed. Its important to be reminded what it means to overcome an obstacle, to face and attack a challenge.

I'm trying to count the positives of recovering from this injury, while await the next piece of news tomorrow. I'm back to working the diet and evaluating the muscles that running doesn't engage. In short, I hope this will make me stronger, better, faster. I'm still on the road, just using a different vehicle these days!

Catching Up...

It seems almost impossible to try and back track so I will do the cliff notes version. I finished a few 5ks, the Race For The Taste 10k and Disney Princess Half marathon (with my daughter). May 23rd will mark the entrance into the marathon world with the Edinburgh Marathon in Edinburgh Scotland. I say that today with a renewed sense of fear as I contend with my first running related injury. Granted, crawling across the finish line was not how I envisioned it but if that is what it takes to FINISH than so be it. I started something in the UK a long time ago. Finishing this will culminate goals on so many personal goals they cannot be counted.

I have (probably) a micro tear in one of my right calf muscles. The impact or running is not to be tolerated at the moment. Its better than it was last week, but not usable. I will know more after a visit to the sports massage therapist on Wednesday. The up side? I can cross train. I did a marathon on the bike Sunday. Have re-attacked some much needed core work. I can do yoga daily and tonite I discovered I can manage swimming...well, it doesn't hurt my calf but it sure as hell hurts everything else! This is a time frame in my training where I need to be accumulating fitness, not losing it and if anything I think the realization that I have this obstacle may well have renewed my commitment. Maybe that is why it has happened? A test. Are you sure you want to do this? Are you sure you have to do this? It seems so ironic. I've been injury conscious to the extreme! I put martial arts on hiatus to avoid injury. Everything has been about focusing on the running, the marathon, the goal.

To answer the above questions....YES, I'M SURE!

Return!

Its been a really long time since I have been motivated to write here and that is both good and bad. At one time, this was a venting board for me, an outlet for hurt but as time often does, those wounds are well scabbed over and becoming little more than conversational scars. There are new horizons in view, new challenges to attack and currently, new obstacles to overcome. A lot has happened in the last few months but most of those events have been internal, not external. I've completed many facets of recovering a broken heart but more importantly, I think I have emerged from the experience better overall.

Next month (hard to believe so soon) I will be travelling to England/Scotland to tackle the "big fish." The Edinburgh marathon. Perhaps some of the reason I have renewed the blog is out of my current frustrations with a training issue. After much caution and precaution, I have sustained an injury. Minor I hope but still no less dramatic in my view. I am forced to maintain (at a time when I should be accumulating) fitness via cross training. 26.2 miles is a big undertaking and I'm frankly scared shitless by the simple fact I am currently unable to run. Biking is the new standby with tons of yoga and core work. I'll update more soon....not that it will afford much interest for anyone other than myself retrospectively!