Retrospect

Its true the marathon was the core event of my trip but it would be unfair to deny that is was only a small portion of the overall purpose. Yes, I chose to travel 4000 miles for my first 26.2 mile event but the "why's" are the more critical details. I needed to prove that I would not allow past events to hinder future success', and I did that. I did not allow proximity, in this case someone else's current residing state, to put me off a goal I've harbored for thirty some years, and I did that. I needed to prove that in spite of all the hurt and drama I could overcome and move forward, becoming something better, and I did that. I think I may have needed to prove I could hold my head high, in spite of all the odds. Once I started something in the UK, and in the end, outside my control, it could not be finished, or at least not in its intended manner. Metaphorically, I wanted to finish it where it began and I think I've done that as well. I guess I didn't count on the aftermath being what it seems to be. Its true I feel victorious and empowered but I've also been left with a residual sadness. So long I've carried a great deal of pain in my back pocket and some of that suffering has been at my own critical hand but I don't imagine we ever plan for the possibility that in spite of its painful nature, we come to look at some suffering's as a sort of companion. Even when we surrender away what we do not want we often feel the absence left in its loss. I've learned from my past but for the first time in a very long time, my future is about what I can and will accomplish rather than what I failed to accomplish. Hindsight is indeed 20/20 but foresight is brightened by hope and makes a much prettier picture on the horizon.